Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
