when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
