is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize