Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
