I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am spending my child support on dildos
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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