i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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