I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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