First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
