I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it glows. i had to have it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
