Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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