Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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