I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
home. puking in laundry basket.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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