TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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