Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
