I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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