i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
