you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
