How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The air taste purple.
Randomize