Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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