i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
