Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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