He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
