I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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