he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
