Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
