So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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