can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize