Soap is not a condiment
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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