Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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