last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
