so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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