I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
