She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
