Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
