I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
