Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
