I think i peed on brittanys purse
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
