so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
