Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
