I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
