i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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