We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize