i may or may not be watching the land before time
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
