Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
