69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Randomize
