My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
false alarm, still single
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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