Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
