She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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