So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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