Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
