he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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