I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
