if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
