Yo dont text me then not text me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
