do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
