I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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