The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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