I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
