awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
