someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
