Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
