Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize