Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
