So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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