I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
