If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
