VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
