My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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