I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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