frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize