i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
