from now on my penis is your penis
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
