No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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