Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I smell like Dick and happiness
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