the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We are two peas in an std pod
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
