The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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