my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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