i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
