Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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