So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize