you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
