Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
