Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
