I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
