Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
