No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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