life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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