Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
