We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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