so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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